Note: Its a a fun little poem I scribbled after seeing the faux cover... either enjoy or ignore....
I'll tell you a story,
If you'll lend an ear,
The most crazy story
You may ever hear!
One night at college
I went out with some friends
We have burgers and drinks
I wish that were the end!
But no, dear listener
If I stop here, it isn't true
And since you are my friend
I won't lie to you!
We stopped at a place
I'd never seen before,
But my buzz was fading
So we walked in the door
I wasn't quite certain
No, I wasn't quite sold
But we'd done paid the bouncer
And were craving something cold.
A couple friends
Went straight to the floor
Trying to dance,
And hoping to score
I went up to the bar
And ordered a round
Followed by another
To wash the first down
A woman walked up
And sat at my side
And I'll be honest, friend
I just damn near died.
Her hair was braided and blond
Her legs went all the way up
She put her hand on my leg
And I damn near dropped my cup!
It's not happened before,
Not has it happened since
She asked me a question
And I lost all my sense.
She asked if I had a car
And If I'd take her for a spin,
So I walked her out,
And helped her get in
Right away she started kissing
And undid my pants
And while kissing her back
I knew this was my chance.
I slid my hand up,
And then let out a yelp
I flung open the door
And fell over myself
On the surface she was perfect
A ten or a nine,
But beneath her dress was a dick
Almost as big as mine!
I ran through the lot
My pants at my knees
It was behind me,
Calling out 'please!'
But I was having none of it
I needed my friends
I'd gather them all
And this nightmare would end.
I burst through the door,
And looked around for the lights
I turned them all on
And, oh what a sight!
In the dark of the club,
My friends couldn't have known
But with the lights on
All the cover was blown
The women they were kissing
Dancing with and holding tigh...
Every last one of them
Was a transvestite!
I yelled to come on,
And quick as a flash
All of my friends
Went running past.
We jumped in the car
And said not a word,
We went home and drank
To get the night blurred
But some memories stay with you
Yes, some memories can't die
No matter how much you drink
No matter how much you try...
It shouldn't have to be said,
But I will tell you right here
So listen well my friend,
And you'll have nothing to fear!
It doesn't matter how hot,
How curvey or thick..
A chick ain't a chick
If she has a dick!
